i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
