All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
