I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
i drank out of a bidet.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
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