Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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