Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
