Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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