Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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