I'm lost and stupid without you.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Randomize
