You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
