Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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