We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
