boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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