You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
You need Xanax blowdarts
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
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