we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
