I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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