you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
40s are totally the cure
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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