i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
