Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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