He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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