I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
