is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
