my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
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