Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
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