What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
