but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Randomize
