finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
