Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
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