I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
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