I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize