I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Green mimosas i think yes
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
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