I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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