I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
