oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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