Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
