dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
