My sheets look like a crime scene.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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