3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
