And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
