Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
