I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Randomize
