Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Randomize
