My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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