If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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