oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
