i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
