Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
