She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
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