hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
