I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
No I am not eating basil off your cock
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Randomize
