I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
