you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
