just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
