Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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