I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
