I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
