Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Randomize
