My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
50% drunk capacity currently
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
