so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
