Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize