3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
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