I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
