Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
