If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
