so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
