wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Randomize
