He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
