if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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